Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Jesus H. Candle...

It never ceases to amaze me how incredibly stupid the American consumer can be...ok dishware with cartoony faces is one thing- hey at least I USE them daily. But I saw this news story on a local television station and I shook my head so much I feel like Katherine Hepburn in a centrifuge.

Here it is: A couple in South Dakota sells candles that smell like Jesus. That's right. You heard me. Candles. That smell like the big JC. Based on a Messanic Psalm where God Jr. came back smelling like Myrrh, aloe and cassia.

As we toil away at our jobs that some people like and most don't, these devoted entrepreneurs have sold 10,000 of $18 bucks a pop. They are so popular that 150 stores and the internet are selling " What Would Jesus Stank Like" which they have dubbed "His Essence".

This ranks up with that What Would Jesus Eat diet book that came out a few months ago as the most asinine application of religion and commerce.

Does somebody come home from work and say:"Hey dear, the living room is smelling a bit about lighting up some Yahwehroma therapy tonight?"

Why stop there? I'm surprised that Jesus hasn't been consulted as a guest carpenter on "Extreme Makeover:How'd they do that?"

Jesus sayeth: "Well you see Ty, with some simple transmogrification the water into wine was pretty easy. But I also put up drywall in their basement and gave the Whitfords a new jacuzzi spa in their backyard!"

I'm shocked Reebok hasn't created a sports sandal call Jeboks.

But candles that smell like Jesus...arrrgh.My head hurts.

I hope other celebs don't jump on that bandwagon. Bad enough that you can get apple pie and chcocolate mousse candles but imagine an Abe Vigoda candle? Ryan Seacrest?
The Golden Girls collection*shudder*?

Now if you'll excuse me I have to create a toaster that reeks of Joan of Arc and a microwave that gives off the musky scent of Alexander the Great.

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